SCCCCRRRATCH! The furry grim reaper runs his claws along the wall, pausing at the corner to listen for any reactions. A whimper comes from the little ones room, yet the adults snore on! The reaper mounts a full-out attack, assaulting the senses with snarls and howls, leaping off the bed up onto the dresser, and toppling their lamp with a terrible thud. “CRAZY CAT! OUT OUT!” A bedroom slipper flies at my head and whizzes past as I whip to the right.

As Halloween approaches, I have been practicing to be a terrifying wildcat capable of scaring my humans silly! Just follow these 10 Steps to embracing your wildcat:

The thought process is as follows…
1. Conserve energy by sleeping all day – wide awake for pranking all night
2. Keep cat voice in top form by starting with warm up yowls and crescendo into outright HOWLS
3. Eat any and all objects/rotten foods that will cause me to barf later, right into owners slippers
Regurgitating a hairball is also acceptable
4. Collect small rodents and stockpile under sink for later strategic placement
5. Locate and knock over as many loud objects as possible, including: ceramic coffee cups, keys, alarm clocks, fragile figurines, wooden blinds, clothes hangers
6. Run laps to keep in top form, with lightning fast reflexes to dodge things tossed at me in frustration
7. Utilize mirror to practice wide-eyed crazy cat eyes that glow in the dark! Perfect for standing on pillow over humans head and staring at them until they wake up and scream
8. Identify key buttons/volume dials that turn on tv and stereo system for spooky “Who did that if it wasn’t you or me, a ghost?”
9. Get good at casting evil shadows against the window, once again scratching on glass for spine-tingling effect
10. Act possessed when confronted, rolling eyes back, flattening ears and running sideways in circles

Remember, It is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission when pranking…